Days pass, moving forward into weeks. I am unable to write,
the action that comes closest to elation for me.
I feel lost, inert.
I am stunned, horror stricken, unable to gain momentum.
I check out CNN online for news; headlines reminiscent of
Ripley’s “Believe It Or Not” my mother insisted I not visit as a kid. Still there
is enough that is worthy of return, at times.
Once more, for the thirtieth time in one day, I check the
weather report on my smartphone.
I feel upside down and think myself like Humpty Dumpty, yet
am unable to make any sense of the “why.”
Again to CNN before my work day officially begins.
Then it comes to me; the items that seize my somewhat jaded attention.
Hundreds of high school students meet a terrifying, heart-rending
death aboard a sinking holiday-intended ferry boat in South Korea; the missing
plane, Malaysia 370, close to twenty deaths so far in the Midwest, resulting
from tornados.
I think back on the datelines, especially the ferry boat
sinking.
Where was I? Where were you? Where are they, the victims,
and the thousands of friends and relatives of the victims of these
catastrophes?
I look outside my bedroom window. The sun shines and I
contemplate taking a midday break to do my mountain road walk. It seems the
temperature will be warm enough.
I am grateful to be alive and have sunshine this day!
Reflecting on recent days past, I remember that my car was
hit by a deer, not long before that ferry boat began to sink.
Also, I had, then, just located several long lost relatives
but had not, yet, been able to see them; losses and gains.
I have been unable to write, have had nothing to say.
I picture an equivalent number of deer on my front lawn as
have died in that ferry boat sinking.
I feel sick, horrified. How has humankind come to this with
all its many advantages? In particular, if the captain, crew and others are
culpable?
Then an email arrives from a journalist friend. A
soon-to-be-published editorial comment, enclosed, affirms my own values of people
for one another, not divided. The piece reminds me that in a world in which we “swim
in a culture rife with polarization and fragmentation,” it doesn’t need to be
this way.
I realize I
am among the fortunate to have friends like this who are, every day doing their
best to be the “possible human in the possible society.” All is not lost.
The words of “Amazing Grace” come to my mind, prompting me
to think of New Horizons’s new Sohbet/study group and the synergy budding there
among participants.
The Sohbet/study group is a new endeavor, but already it is a
place where I can find myself, albeit briefly and intermittently. Even now it
is becoming important to me; a port where, for a time, though by conference
call connection, lost me becomes found me as we work, together, intending to
turn lead into gold, traveling with others.
I wish I could take the whole group home with me.
I pray those who have or are lost through these tragedies, too,
are, not only lost but found.
